Take Your Blood, Free Cookie

Our company has a blood drive twice a year. We got an email, thoughtfully translated to English for the foreigners:

"Welcome to tak your blood, free cookie!"

It's actually a Danish and it's all you can eat for only 1/2 liter of blood (!) so the blood drive is really popular.

I feel that it is my duty to provide, since I have really good blood. If that sounds stuck-up, you have to read the list of prohibitions to understand it:

• Have you been to a farm in Portugal or Ireland in the past 6 months? I haven't even been to a frickin movie in the past 6 months.
• Have you had unprotected sex in the past 6 months? I'm married, I haven't had any for a year.
• Have you had sex with a farm animal in the past 2 years? It was a long, long, time ago and he looked human. He became a jackass afterward.

The list goes on and on and ON. Since you can't be pregnant, half the women can't give as women are always pregnant here. So you see, I really must make an effort, and there's the free danish.

Since I have bashful veins, I usually come out of it with bruises all over one or both arms. Last time the medic (nurse?) who took my blood was talking on his mobile the whole time and I ended up with grapefruit size bruises on both arms that hurt for over a week. I didn't give for a year after that.

So, I'm standing in line and it's almost my turn. There's a medic near where we're lining up, another in the middle, and a nurse on the far end. The two doners closer to us both have their arms up, indicating they're almost done. And I'm thinking that I really don't want to be on the close end 'cause I don't like the idea of being flat on my back with my coworkers lining up 3 feet away. And it looks like that's where I'm gonna be, cause the guy there is almost done. So I thought I'd give someone else my turn, and wait for the nurse on the far side. But the medic nearby is from the refugee ethnic group I told you about before, and I know they are subject to alot of flak, so if I don't go when he gets free, he might take it as personal. I don't wan't to hurt his feelings, so I figure I had just better suck it up and go.

But just then, middle medic is ready for the next in line! As I took a step toward him, the woman behind me asks if I mind if she skips me, she wants him to take her blood. Darn! What could I do, I figured she knows him or something. and she asked, so I let her take my turn.

I got the medic near the line. He had trouble finding a vein, as always happens with me, and it took 25 minutes to get the half-liter, just barely, but he got it.

The woman who skipped me was having her free danish when I got there.
"Is that your neighbor or something?" I asked her about the medic who took her blood.
"No, I wanted someone who looks trustworth" she answered, "but maybe I was wrong, it really hurt, he wasn't so good".
I had to rub it in and said "My guy was so gentle."

That was yesterday. Today my arm is perfectly unbruised, with only a tiny dot where the needle went in. That has never happened before, so I called the woman who organized it and told her to please convey my thanks to the guy who took my blood. She said others had commented too about how good he was.

Take my blood, free cookie, no bruises.