English - A Slightly Warped View from the Other Side

As I suck myself deeper and deeper into this blogging thing, I've noticed that alot of the really good bloggers paprica their speech with cool-sounding words, like the F word and the S word, and other flavorful slang of the new millenium. I'm wondering if I should work these words in to my posts.

The problem is that I've been ripvanwinkling over here and am out of the loop regarding normal American speech. Sure I've got cable, which is my main connection with normal American speech. But it's hard to tell what is real.

• Do most Americans speak like on MTV, deadpanning obscenities while grabbing their crotches in normal conversation?


• On Dr. Phil, the B word comes up alot. Is it correct nowadays to address the female with whom you are having a conversation as "Beatch"? Has this replaced "Miss" or "Ma'am"?


• My kid's reality shows make me wonder whether "like" has, like, replaced the word "the" as the most commonly used word in the English language? Have the cryptographers picked up on this?


• The crime shows pose the biggest dilema. In the gritty realistic crime shows, The Shield for example, I have to read the foreign language subtitles because I can't understand the English, while on another cop show, a blond girl with big blue eyes solves crimes on a regular basis, in English, without once resorting to the F word or S word. I have to wonder how does she manage? And which is more representative of The America People?

For me, these were driving words, to be used in the car when required. I'd have to change the settings in my head to get them into print. One more thing to ponder.