Who Will Paint the Walls

Paint life
Paint shelf life
Paint wall life
Lenth of time between painting walls?
How long does a coat of paint last?
Is not painting walls for 4 years grounds for divorce?

No matter how I type the question, Google has not been forthcoming on this one.

Her side:

Four years seems a bit long, but Mr. O has no problem with it. He could continue with the walls being the same salmon color they were four years ago, but then the salmon was fresh like it had just jumped out of a stream and now it looks like someone clubed it and some of its brains splattered about and then it had to fight its way upstream half dead and exhausted before it could flop about on a rock dying a slow death and looking so crappy that even a starving third-rate bear wouldn't eat it if it begged.

So after about six months of me nagging, Mr. O said if I wanted the walls painted, he would not object to me painting them myself. I've painted some walls in my time but I was young at the time and did not have super glue in my joints, and told him to get someone to paint if he ever wanted to have sex that doesn't involve cash payment again.

So I've been nagging Mr. O. since Obama took office to get someone. Mr. O. does not believe in having household repairs done by people with whom he has never gone to school/played soccer/chatted up at a gas station, so he said he'd check with his out-of-work friend the electrician (heretofor "Ed") if he wants to paint our walls. (It's not like it would cost less. He'll pay Ed more than he'd pay a stranger, just so that nobody will call him cheap.)

Every day since March 9th, Mr. O has had a different reason why he didn't speak to Ed. It's not like he could call him. He claims that Ed does not have a phone. He has to meet Ed in town. He just happened to not run into Ed every day for a month, even though the previous months he ran into Ed every day.

I was forced to take the nagging up a notch, and finally, in an act of desperation, added that if he didn't speak to Ed by the end of the week, in addition to the sex which he doesn't seem to be missing, I would stop making him coffee on Friday mornings. This had some effect. He was up early and on his way to Ed's house (suddenly he knows where he lives?) at 8:00 a.m. to catch him before he left the house.

So it appears I am better at making coffee than love. But I'm gonna get my walls painted!


His side:

There's nothing wrong with the walls. Nothing wrong with the "salmon". She's sick of it, says she wants "butter" or "cream". Maybe "caramel". Seems to me she's just sick of her low carb diet. She's been nagging me up the wall for like 4 months so just to get her off my case, I agreed for her to paint the walls. What's the big deal? She pays good money to go exercise in a gym, and then gets mad at me when I suggest a way to get exercise in the comfort of home. So she got all bent out of shape and wanted to get some guy who neither of us know, and let him paint our walls!

That's when I put my foot down. No damn stranger is gonna paint my walls. I said I'd get Ed to do it, and I will. When I decide. As soon as I run into him, I'll ask him. What's her big hurry? But now she's not making my coffee. I look forward to Friday morning coffee all week and she's cut me off! I just happen to be going to Ed's neighborhood this morning, so I'll probably run into him today.